Theirs To Protect: a Reverse Harem Romance Read online

  Sometimes she talked in her sleep. Sometimes she cried out. Never any words Mateo could make out. But she was so clearly in pain.

  It ripped Mateo’s heart in two.

  Hunger and weakness had a way of making one’s priorities startlingly clear. The food, yes, obviously he wanted that. He was obsessed thinking about it the first few days. But that passed. Once you accepted the sharp, gnawing pain and gave yourself up to the fact that it wasn’t in your control whether you ate again or when, an odd sort of peace and clarity descended.

  What Mateo realized?

  Audrey was broken.

  So was Mateo.

  But maybe it was just more obvious with them.

  Yesterday Nix had come in and yelled at Audrey. Totally lost his shit. He’d yelled that she was selfish for what she was doing to Mateo. How she was hurting Mateo. How simpler everything had been for Mateo before she’d come.

  Okay, so maybe it didn’t take hunger strike induced clarity to see through Nix’s thinly veiled pain.

  But Clark and Danny, and Graham—they all had their issues.

  Maybe they were all just walking around like broken glass, full of sharp, piercing edges, doomed to stab into each other no matter what they did.

  But then Mateo thought of their wedding night.

  He thought about the words the Pastor Jonah had said.

  Family.

  Clan.

  Mateo didn’t know much about family, never having had one he could remember. But he’d always thought maybe the point of it was that when you felt all jagged and cut up inside, your family could come alongside you and help hold you together.

  Like together you’d be stronger. You wouldn’t just shatter into a million little pieces when shit came at you. Cause life was a bitch and she came swinging with a sledgehammer.

  Life was swinging at his Audrey.

  His family.

  His wife.

  She was fracturing in front of their very eyes and he wasn’t giving her the help she needed. He wasn’t holding her up.

  He sat up and, grabbing the bottom of the bedframe for steadiness, slowly got to his feet.

  Shaking his head against the dizziness, he stood as tall as he could. He could feel Audrey’s eyes on him but he didn’t look back, knowing it would just send her gaze skittering away.

  “Audrey, I see your pain,” he said, reaching for his belt and unbuckling it. “I see it and I want to take it away. I’ll do anything to ease your burden.”

  He heard her breath catch as he slid his belt free of the last loop.

  He was so attuned to her every breath, he felt her stiffen as he stepped closer to the foot of the bed. It pained him that she could think even for a second he meant her any harm. It was only more proof that she needed someone she knew she could trust completely.

  “This is for you.”

  Mateo set the belt on the foot of the bed and then knelt down, head bowed.

  Chapter 29

  AUDREY

  Audrey could only stare at the belt. And then at Mateo down on his knees like he was at church.

  But he wasn’t at church. He was bowing to her.

  All week he’d been hurting himself. For her. And now he wanted her to do… what? Hit him with a belt?

  “Stop it,” she snapped. “I’m not going to—”

  “Please.”

  Audrey stopped at the pleading note in his voice. He looked up at her and his gaze was so open. So frank and sincere. It cut through all the shields she’d been so carefully putting up all week against him and everyone else.

  “I don’t understand,” she said helplessly. She didn’t. She didn’t understand anything. She didn’t understand a world where men like Jeffries thrived and her brother died. She didn’t understand how Mateo continued being so kind to her when she’d done nothing to deserve it. She didn’t understand why she was alive and so many other women had died. She didn’t understand any of it.

  “It wouldn’t just be for you,” he said, eyes darting to the belt. “It helps me too. Sometimes I need the pain so I can…” His head bowed low. “I just need it.”

  Audrey swallowed. She wanted to tell him he was crazy. She wanted to yell at him to get the hell out.

  But even after a week spent sleeping and doing nothing but laying around, she was so exhausted. She was tired of fighting.

  Mateo was offering what felt like a lifeline.

  In the back of her mind, Audrey knew there were a hundred very good reasons she should just turn away and try to go back to sleep.

  Instead, she lifted the sheets and dropped her feet to the ground. Her legs felt strange after barely using them all week. Heavy. Like she’d strapped lead weights to her thighs and torso.

  The two steps she took to pick up the belt were awkward. It felt even stranger in her hand.

  She doubled it up and ran it down her palm. It made a slick hiss noise and then a snap when she yanked it taut.

  A shiver went through Mateo’s body and from the briefest glimpse she saw of his face, it didn’t look like it was from fear.

  He really did want this. She’d heard about people who liked that kind of thing but she’d never met one before. At least that she knew of.

  Audrey frowned, not sure she could do what he was asking. “So where do I…”

  “Anywhere on my back,” he said. “We can start with ten and then see where we go from there. If you want.”

  She moved around so that she was looking down at his back. She lifted the belt, swallowing hard.

  Then she shook her head. No, she couldn’t—

  “Please,” Mateo said, like he could read her mind. “Look, I’ll even keep my shirt on so it will barely sting.”

  It seemed like he really did want her to do it. And maybe letting off some steam would be a good idea? God, what’d she have to lose at this point?

  So she brought the belt down. It made a light slapping noise along Mateo’s upper back.

  “Come on,” he said. “You can go harder than that.”

  She sucked in a deep breath and brought down the next blow with a little more force.

  “Harder,” he said again.

  So she went harder. And then harder still.

  And somewhere around lash number seven, something happened.

  She was back in the woods. Hearing Charlie calling her name. Turning just in time to see that monster bash her beautiful brother’s head in with a bat.

  Audrey screamed and swung the belt.

  Because fast on top of that, she was seeing Camila’s body flying to the ground after Jeffries slapped her. And then Jeffries grabbing her in the back of the soap shop.

  The burning smell of lye. She’d never forget that smell. Combined with his sour breath. And his hand, oh God, his finger, it was, he was—

  “What the—?”

  Audrey dropped the belt and blinked in confusion, seeing Danny at the door. His eyes were wide with horror.

  Audrey gasped and heaved for breath, feeling like she’d just run five miles.

  And then she followed Danny’s line of sight.

  To where Mateo was lying on the floor, red stripes leeching through his gray shirt all over his back.

  “Oh my God! Mateo!” She collapsed to her knees beside him.

  What had she done?

  Chapter 30

  MATEO

  Heaven was real.

  Mateo thought after everything he’d— There was just no way that God would ever let him in, not after—

  But he was here.

  Heavenly beings brushed kisses like butterfly wings all up and down his face and neck.

  But then the pain registered. Searing pain all over his back.

  So not heaven after all?

  He sighed, resigned when the brush of angel lips disappeared.

  Hell it was. Was this his eternal punishment, then? To be teased by gentleness and warmth only for it to be immediately pulled away?

  Then the lips returned and Mateo sank against
the pillow underneath his face, every muscle in his body relaxing against the mattress. The kisses continued down the nape of his neck, over to his left ear and then back around to the right.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, but I’m so, so sorry. I just went somewhere in my head and then when I looked up, you were on the floor and— Oh my God, please believe me. I’m so sorry. I never meant to—”

  “Audrey?” His voice came out as a croak.

  “Mateo!”

  He’d never heard her sound so glad or relieved.

  Wait. He blinked. So was this a dream, or not? He flexed his fingers and toes and felt his stinging back. Okay. So he was pretty sure he wasn’t dead after all. That was something.

  But what was Audrey doing apologizing and kissing him?

  Dream was the only logical possibility left.

  “Let me go get the guys. Nix gave you some pain medication and it knocked you out pretty good.”

  But when she tried to move away, Mateo grabbed her wrist. “Don’t go.” He turned his head to look up at her even though it hurt his back.

  “Mateo—” Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. “Why didn’t you tell me? Who did all this to you?” Feather light fingers traced down his back between the fresh welts.

  Any other time, with any other person, he would have shut down.

  But this was Audrey. And even if it had gotten fucked sideways, the point of a power exchange was to open up to a person in ways usual communication couldn’t.

  Audrey was more open than he’d ever seen her since she’d been here and he could either use the opportunity or wimp out and shut it down right here.

  But he’d come too far to do that. He wanted to know everything about her and the flipside of that was her knowing everything about him.

  “After the bombs fell, I was captured.”

  He told her about Hell’s Hollow. He told her about the cage they kept him in.

  He sat up, unable to keep laying out on his stomach while he spoke. Laying on his belly felt too… exposed.

  “Mateo, your back—” Audrey tried to object but Mateo just waved her off. He’d been hurt far worse than this in the past. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat beside her, careful to keep about a foot of space between them.

  “After around eight months, they moved some of us into the barracks,” he continued. “I don’t know if it was a promotion of sorts—cause we’d survived the longest? Or if they just wanted easier access to our bodies. They shot us full of anti-virals—it was still early enough after the Fall that they’d looted every pharmacy in a hundred mile radius.”

  “If you were smart, you could work the system. If you—” Mateo swallowed hard. “If you catered to a man’s particular… perversions, you could become a favorite. It meant better provisions. It meant survival. So I got good at it. Giving them exactly what they liked, exactly the way they liked it.”

  “Mateo,” Audrey tried to break in again but he just shook his head vehemently and went on. He’d make his full confession.

  “Others wanted me just like I was. Some liked getting me hard, too. And the things they did… I’d get hard, sometimes even without them asking. And I came.” His chin dropped to his chest as he admitted his ultimate shame. “I liked it.”

  But then Audrey’s hand was underneath his chin, jerking his head up.

  “Did you want to be there? Did you want to be having sex with those men?”

  “No!” God. Was that what she thought of him?

  “Exactly,” she said, voice hard and eyes intense. “You were there against your will. They were raping you, Mateo. You adapted. You survived. There’s no shame in that.”

  He shook his head. She didn’t understand. “Maybe it started that way. But by the end, when Nix and his security team raided the base and freed me, I was so used to it all that I didn’t know if I was glad to be rescued or not.”

  But Audrey was still shaking her head hard. “No. That’s bullshit. You were kidnapped. Forced into sexual slavery. And you blaming yourself for how you survived, even for one single second, is total bullshit. You need to stop it. Right now.”

  Mateo coughed on a huff of air. “Just stop it?” he asked, incredulous.

  She nodded decisively. “Just stop it. Right now.”

  “Oh, just like that?” He threw his hands up. “I’m a fucking disgusting, filthy piece of shit. Every time I touch you my skin crawls because I know how I’m defiling you and you think I can just—”

  She suddenly leaned forward, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

  It wasn’t any sweet little peck, either. It was a full on, tongues involved, hungry, devouring kiss.

  Audrey’s hands moved around to clutch at the back of his head while his own hands trembled at his side.

  Was this really happening? Was she really all but in his lap, kissing him like she wanted him? Him? After what he just told her?

  But then the next second she pulled away and he heaved for breath. Okay. Now it was over. She remembered where they were. Who they were. She’d get back in bed and he’d lay down at her feet, like things were meant to be and—

  But Audrey didn’t climb back in bed.

  Instead she slid her hands down from his shoulders along his biceps and to his forearms as she dropped from the bed to the floor.

  On her knees in front of him.

  No, that was wrong. She should never be on her knees.

  “Audrey,” he shook his head, leaning a hand to urge her back up.

  She pushed his hand away and whispered, “Please. Let me.”

  He swallowed hard and pulled his hand back, breathing hard when she started unbuttoning his jeans. Before he even fully registered what the hell was happening, her petite hands were on his cock.

  He froze in astonishment.

  Well, most of him froze. His cock was plenty active. Twitching and growing in Audrey’s hand as she rubbed her thumb over his tip and then smoothly jacked him up and down.

  A shudder of pleasure hit his spine and racked outward through his body. “Oh God,” he sputtered.

  Her hands on him— It was— He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt—

  That was when he saw her lowering her head toward his shaft.

  He should stop her. He couldn’t let his pure angel put her lips there. Not when so many other foul memories tainted him. He might not be physically diseased, but that didn’t mean that—

  Her tongue peeked out from between her lips and licked the small slit at the top of his cock and holy God in heaven—

  Every ounce of air hissed out of his lungs as Audrey grinned up at him. And then that sweet little pink tongue slipped out again and licked up the underside of his cock.

  An animal groan he didn’t recognize came from his throat and he felt like his damn heart might stop. If she kept that up, he’d never make it. He’d die right where he sat. He’d spontaneously combust from ecstasy, no doubt about it—

  Turned out he didn’t have any damn idea what ecstasy was. Because next she sucked the head of his cock into her hot mouth. And she sucked. God did she suck.

  “Audrey,” he choked, one hand dropping to her fiery hair. He wasn’t sure if he meant to push her away or drag her closer. In the end, he just kept his hand there, feeling her bob down and then suction with a vacuum force as she slowly pulled him out of her mouth like he was a lollipop she was determined to polish off.

  Every time she took him in her mouth, she swallowed him deeper, too. God, had she even given a blow job before?

  The thought that he might be her first had him swelling so much he almost exploded right there.

  It was only the knock at the door that broke the haze of lust long enough for him to swallow and force the coming orgasm back.

  Without letting his cock out of her mouth, Audrey turned slightly to look at the door.

  “Hope I’m not interrupting,” Danny said as he walked into the room. “Dinner’s almost r�
�” He froze, his eyes going wide as saucers at seeing Audrey on her knees with Mateo’s cock in her mouth.

  “Holy shit,” Danny whispered, hand dropping to his dick. Even through his jeans, Mateo could see the outline of his quickly hardening shaft.

  Then, Audrey did pull her mouth off Mateo’s cock, letting him go with another of those satisfying pop noises.

  And then she proved again why she was such a damn miracle.

  She kept one hand on Mateo’s cock, stroking him up and down. And with her other hand, she pulled down her pajama pants, underwear and all, and swayed her ass temptingly at Danny.

  “You wanna join us?”

  “Y-yes ma’am.” Danny said, stumbling as he hurried to jerk his boots off and get his pants down.

  Audrey’s attention went back to Mateo’s cock.

  That was, until Danny stood awkwardly behind her, pants at his ankles. “Um. What should I do now? Do you want me to get on the bed? Or, I can pick you up and we can—”

  Audrey said something around Mateo’s cock that he couldn’t understand, apparently, neither could Danny.

  Audrey shook her head and released Mateo’s cock. She finally looked over her shoulder at Danny. “On your knees.” A pleading note entered her voice. “Fuck me from behind.”

  Mateo hardened even more at her crass language. He knew men in the town shared old copies of Playboy, Maxim and the like. He’d heard stories of theaters in Fort Worth, the new capitol, where, if you paid a load, you could get in to see old pornos. And he had vague memories of watching porn himself back in the day.

  But it had always seemed so forced and faked. The couple girls Mateo had been with before the Fall had been mildly enthused but the relationships never lasted long.

  He’d had no idea that a woman could like sex, love and crave sex even, like Audrey seemed to.

  The next second, Audrey’s hot mouth was back on Mateo’s cock and all thought was obliterated.

  Danny didn’t waste any time. In two seconds his pants were off and he was crouched behind Audrey. He dropped his hands to her hips and his eyebrows knit in concentration as his cock bobbed against her ass.

  God, that was hot.

  Without ever letting up suction on Mateo’s cock, Audrey reached down between her legs. When Danny’s eyebrows shot to his hairline, Mateo assumed she’d taken him in hand. Was she guiding him inside her?